The complicated legacy that comes with being a Military kid in India

I've been asked a few times by people who have no connection to military life if Independence day and Republic days are big events for us as defense families... My nonchalant reaction was unexpected for them... Just as unexpected as their question was to me. It means as much to me as it does to any average person. I've grown up in cantonments all across the country and I can vouch for the fact that these events are more for non Military people than they are for serving soldiers and their families. Yesterday was Kargil Vijay Divas and seeing some posts on twitter I was wondering who really is it for? It may, for the defense forces, regiments and fractions- be a day of remembering the martyrs and celebrating our victory. But it serves more as a reminder of the huge failure of our intelligence agencies and diplomacy. And war was the extremely high cost we had to bear for it. It eventually isn't a triumph but a lesson we seem to have learned from... To some extent at least.

How do I explain that the military is a professional organisation (more so today than it was twenty years ago) and not fervently patriotic most of the times, but is trained to go over and beyond the call of duty when the situation arises? We all love our complicated country and our love is constantly being tested now more than it was even five years ago, but that doesn't mean that each and every serviceman and their families hold extra celebrations on National days such as these. We are citizens, same as everyone else but with many perks that central government services offer. Indian military is in a constant state of war preparedness but they are ones that want it least. The burden of war is often too much on the collective shoulders of a few military people and their limited support systems.

The Indian military, especially the Army- is also a large, bloated orgaisation averse to change. It has not yet wholeheartedly accepted women in active serving duty thirty years thirty years since they were inducted. When I say that, I don't mean the system, but it's people. It's Men. It's always the men, isn't it? Nature of conflict has changed. More drastically now than  twenty three years ago when we fought our last war in Kargil. It's changing constantly. So why isn't the organisation? There have been plans of change for years and when finally implemented in the form of the Agniveer scheme, weren't received well. Maybe it's the scheme itself, people's expectations from it or the nature of implementation, I can't say what. But the fact remains that the military needs massive change. In it's size, outlook, reception to technology, it's mileu, approach to peacekeeping and it's outreach. It's outreach beyond just patriotism and pride. Not just something someone else's sons and daughters can be a part of, but our own too. I noticed some changes in the military from my last few experiences of cantonment life in the early 2000s. Excesses were being trimmed, long time traditions were being shaken up. But most importantly, it was being humanised. I won't say that the military has been absolutely effective in curbing Kashmir and North East conflict since these changes since it's not simply a matter of control, and that's what they are trained to do. Traditionally they were trained to deal with an external threat though here, the threat was internal. One's own people. No training for that! It took time and harsh lessons but their approach to the region has changed. Their approach to the locals and the people has changed. But the scars already inflicted are deep rooted and difficult to heal.

I started writing this post on the day of Kargil Vijay diwas, and finishing it well after Independence day. This year we were encouraged to show our love for the country with flags in every house. And why not... Citizens have fought in court for their right to be able to display the country's flag in their house which was previously not possible. On the whole, most people have taken the display/non display of flags in the right spirit, and I hope it continues to be so. There's a lot I don't like about overtly public displays of patriotism, But I must say that my flag - the one I bought from Khadi Bhandar Pathankot during my final stint at being an army kid at a cantonment in 2005, the one that display on my balcony every independence year since, looked better than most of the other flags in my neighbourhood!

Loss IV. The inevitable

Untimely loss isn't something one expects to face during one's life. For instance, I lost my then seven year old cousin to a rare genetic disease when I was in my late teens, my father- in my early twenties, a classmate soon after and my mentor in my mid thirties. 

Timely loss- however expected, one still doesn't look forward to. Loss of a grandparent is one such loss. I lost my paternal grandparents in 2012 and 2015. And my maternal grandfather last month. His impending death was something I expected ever since I was a child considering my grandmother kept reiterating this eventuality. My memory of how I knew that he was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease is fuzzy. It was over a decade ago. We knew how it's all going to go down and though the doctors tried to make things as easy as possible for him, it's something that is difficult to control and especially at his age. That he fought through his condition and managed to do most tasks on his own till as recently as last year is a testament to his sheer fitness and resilience. I have seen others give up much sooner.

His condition had been deteriorating exponentially for a year and we knew what was to come. We made things comfortable for him but it was not easy seeing him confined to his bed, slowly slipping away further and further and there was nothing we could do about it. He finally passed peacefully one afternoon at the age of 90. Over the last six years, our lives had revolved around him- to make him comfortable, to assist him for any task, to make sure that he was never left alone and it was hardest on my grandmother who he had been with for the last 64 years. We had his body cremated after which his ashes were scattered around in the garden of his house. No fuss, no  ceremony. Just as he would have wanted.  

When my father died supposedly well before his time, I was happy in the knowledge that he lived to the fullest and without any regrets. I felt the absolute same for my grandfather.