Three things

I turned 35 two days ago and there are three things I want to say:

1. Lately, if I take a holiday from work to finish some personal chores (you know, like one has to every once in a while) I get jittery in the morning and major FOMO for work sets in. I have to remind myself that it’s okay, and others at will handle it. But it’s only after a few phone calls and updates from work do I start to relax and focus on the task at hand. Me from ten years ago would never have imagined that I would ever miss being at work. In the past, I had ability to easily dissociate from work even while I was at work. What the hell happened and when exactly?

2. I still have major anxiety and self doubt. Just that it’s nature has changed and maybe I’ve learned to deal with it better. But it still sometimes manifest itself in the form of really strange dreams. Difference: most of them are no longer metaphors, but direct, full blown references to my anxiety of the moment. My subconscious gives me periodic reality checks in the form of these dreams. And while it hasn’t stopped me from day dreaming, but at least I’ve learned to compartmentalise the effects of my dreams, daydreams and reality better.

3. I finally got over the mental block of wearing clothes with horizontal stripes. Over the years I’ve been told me that only slim people should wear horizontal stripes so I hardly wore anything with horizontal stripes on it. I finally gave up on that insecurity and wore a tshirt with horizontal stripes on my birthday. To hell with the self proclaimed fashion police, I looked good.