The hunt for the 6 v battery enters the fourth day. I found that Yashica makes 6 v battery adapters for their batteries. And I don’t know where I’ll get it from. It’s quite frustrating. I must learn to stay calmer.
I screamed at a person driving from beyond his side road while I was crossing the road. Why should I waste my moments of insanity on him? I’d rather channelise it to better use. But how? There are so many questions I don’t have the answer to.
I forgot Pooja’s B’day this month. I wouldn’t want to forget anyone else’s this year. I already forgot Revati’s a few years back, and she makes me regret it till today. As if I don’t feel bad for it already.
The 20 min walk for the bus makes me sweaty all over. It’s pathetic to smell by the end of the day. Why can’t I stay fresh like all those femmes in those commercials? Why do they look like they’ve just had a bath and caked themselves with 3 layers of make up to make them look as if they haven’t put on any make up at all? Why do others find great clothes from a certain store, while I can’t find a single decent one when I take out my annual shopping expedition there? Why do others never manage to get bad traffic like I do when I drive ever so rarely? Why do the movies I want to see have to be on in screens at only 11 AM and 11 PM on weekdays, while the others have already seen it in the first week? Why don’t I ever get the right kind of landscape shots at the same place others get spellbinding shots at? Why does no one ever notice when I do something and others get noticed for doing something similar or much less in a tick! Why do I always get stuck at the self enforced useless projects and feel sad while others are happier not doing it, and not feeling bad for something they didn’t do. Damn… Why do certain things happen to me and no one else in this world? Why are things never so bad that keep getting worst?
Just a few of life’s little sublime comic tragedies. Its like I’m the greatest source of slapstick entertainment for the supreme force that controls this universe. A comic relief in this stupidly tense world… Oh well… at least I’m not completely useless.
Ankur sent me a message yesterday that we were meeting Anil tomorrow at 8.15 AM at vaishali. And since he didn’t specify breakfast, I read it as 8.15 PM instead. Had I not messaged Pooja confirming the meet, I would have been standing outside Vaishali for a long long time today evening. A few people have a lot of time these days. And thats just my dumb luck that Last whole year, I was the one with a lot of time, and now, a lot of people, but me, do...
Over the last few days, it seems that the whole world and even my own mind is conspiring against me to make my friends forget me slowly… wow… that’s a fantastically horrifying thought. As if I wasn’t depressed enough already… losing touch with fellow humans is very difficult. I make it sound so easy. A lot of people I know have actually stopped calling me up because of the inadequate response I gave to them due to the ‘lack of time.’ Yea, I can be pretty stupid sometimes… most of the times… maybe all the time… I better stop. I’ll end up insulting myself even more if I go on. All this insanity gets to me…
And just before the end of the day… when I thought things were taking a turn for the worst, my mom hands me over my 100 MOO mini calling cards! Along with the card holder I ordered… They are cute. Well, at least someone appreciates me… even if I paid money for it… ;)
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
005:365
I was reading Calvin and Hobbes after lunch at work. Calvin says: ‘I find life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone’s expectations.’ That done, how do I lower my expectations from my life and people I know? And maybe even those I don’t know?
I expect phone calls, friends to come and meet me, special people doing special things for me, money, fame, action, romance, comedy... so much that the actual experience is an anti-climax. A ‘big dud at the box office’ as they call it. Heck… I just summarised my life!
Funny people are not that funny anymore… happy people are not happy anymore. Good people are not good any more… to me. Yea I know why… That’s the thing: people are as funny, happy or good, it’s just that I expect them to be funnier, happier and nicer.
Why should I possibly expect something, when I don’t want anyone to expect anything from me? It makes nobody, but me, unhappy. When was the last time I was truthfully happy? Makes me think now…
Sadness is essential. It makes me appreciate the happy times even more. So I’m glad that I’m sad… but it’s high time I was happy… really, truly, actually happy. Good thing… but how?
Autocad behaves funny these days some arbitrary commands keep being applied to the drawings I am working on. They don’t even make sense. Seems like some AUTOCAD Beta version. Weird. It seems to be some sort of virus, worm or something. Yech!
6 V battery search enters into the third day… I’m just not taking enough efforts. I should be hunting for it like crazy if I want it so badly… maybe I don’t want it so bad. But I want to see if that old camera sill ok. I’m lazy.
I saw a pretty little ladybug today. I clicked her picture, and she seemed to say: ‘don’t bug me, lady!’ I also clicked a picture of a little white spider after it had succeeded in trapping and killing a fly twice its size. Thank you for the publicity, said the spider. Monsoons are magic with my little macro attachment for my camera.
Come to think of it, it’s a very violent action. Violence exists everywhere… just leave It to humans to take the fun out of it.
And today was the day I learnt how to ruin a decently proportionate sketch…
I expect phone calls, friends to come and meet me, special people doing special things for me, money, fame, action, romance, comedy... so much that the actual experience is an anti-climax. A ‘big dud at the box office’ as they call it. Heck… I just summarised my life!
Funny people are not that funny anymore… happy people are not happy anymore. Good people are not good any more… to me. Yea I know why… That’s the thing: people are as funny, happy or good, it’s just that I expect them to be funnier, happier and nicer.
Why should I possibly expect something, when I don’t want anyone to expect anything from me? It makes nobody, but me, unhappy. When was the last time I was truthfully happy? Makes me think now…
Sadness is essential. It makes me appreciate the happy times even more. So I’m glad that I’m sad… but it’s high time I was happy… really, truly, actually happy. Good thing… but how?
Autocad behaves funny these days some arbitrary commands keep being applied to the drawings I am working on. They don’t even make sense. Seems like some AUTOCAD Beta version. Weird. It seems to be some sort of virus, worm or something. Yech!
6 V battery search enters into the third day… I’m just not taking enough efforts. I should be hunting for it like crazy if I want it so badly… maybe I don’t want it so bad. But I want to see if that old camera sill ok. I’m lazy.
I saw a pretty little ladybug today. I clicked her picture, and she seemed to say: ‘don’t bug me, lady!’ I also clicked a picture of a little white spider after it had succeeded in trapping and killing a fly twice its size. Thank you for the publicity, said the spider. Monsoons are magic with my little macro attachment for my camera.
Come to think of it, it’s a very violent action. Violence exists everywhere… just leave It to humans to take the fun out of it.
And today was the day I learnt how to ruin a decently proportionate sketch…
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
004:365
Went walking in the rain and learnt a lesson : no use taking a shower in the morning as I get wet anyway... Thanks, today, to a speedy rickshaw. There was rainwater all over me... but the bus came so late that it dried off before i got on the bus.
The hunt for the 6 v battery continues... Need to tell my electrician to help me out with it. Hes my family electrician (believe what i say!)
I actually shopped at Laxmi road... out of necessity actually. I can always avoid shopping, but tell me to click pics there, And I'll be more than ready. but sometimes, even the most hated tasks have to be done. Necessary evil.
Remembered what Navisa - my new Love guru told me... Unknowingly, I am sort of following her advice... But must I really? Am I still expecting too much?
The hunt for the 6 v battery continues... Need to tell my electrician to help me out with it. Hes my family electrician (believe what i say!)
I actually shopped at Laxmi road... out of necessity actually. I can always avoid shopping, but tell me to click pics there, And I'll be more than ready. but sometimes, even the most hated tasks have to be done. Necessary evil.
Remembered what Navisa - my new Love guru told me... Unknowingly, I am sort of following her advice... But must I really? Am I still expecting too much?
Monday, July 28, 2008
003:365
A lot of people are very kind to me these days. Those who know I like to use (not always to the best effect) old cameras. And I have yet another camera...
So one late Sunday night I decide to research some batteries. For a Yashica electra 35 camera. A rare rangefinder, and that’s essentially an aperture priority camera. The 5.6 v batteries, I found out, have long since become extinct, so I decided to search for some solution to revive it online. And I find that these cameras can handle 6 v charge without much trouble. That’s a relief… but these batteries are pretty hard to find too. I haven’t found any in any camera shop a yet. Maybe today I’ll go and search for it in a few more electrical shops. I can’t let such a camera go waste just because some battery is not being manufactured now. That’s one thing... secondly, if I can’t manage to do this, I’ll suffer a bout of depression. So I have to try my hardest to make it work. I just hope the internal circuitry hasn’t gone bad… that would spell disaster. Imagine… A 35 mm lens, aperture priority rangefinder rendered unusable… I need to do something. Apart from a good laugh at work today... I was inspired to try out a new thing... Thanks to the great Navisa... my new love - adviser!
So one late Sunday night I decide to research some batteries. For a Yashica electra 35 camera. A rare rangefinder, and that’s essentially an aperture priority camera. The 5.6 v batteries, I found out, have long since become extinct, so I decided to search for some solution to revive it online. And I find that these cameras can handle 6 v charge without much trouble. That’s a relief… but these batteries are pretty hard to find too. I haven’t found any in any camera shop a yet. Maybe today I’ll go and search for it in a few more electrical shops. I can’t let such a camera go waste just because some battery is not being manufactured now. That’s one thing... secondly, if I can’t manage to do this, I’ll suffer a bout of depression. So I have to try my hardest to make it work. I just hope the internal circuitry hasn’t gone bad… that would spell disaster. Imagine… A 35 mm lens, aperture priority rangefinder rendered unusable… I need to do something. Apart from a good laugh at work today... I was inspired to try out a new thing... Thanks to the great Navisa... my new love - adviser!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
002:365
Woke up late, had Srihari visit us in the morning from mysore with his new car and the news of his engagement due soon enough. Went to Poorva's place for lunch and had my usual discussion/debate/argument with Porva's dad and Shekhar mama about economics and trends of spending and investment of todays youth as compared to the older generation...
Chauffeured Avani back home from mom's place, and it began to rain. Harshad called and we decided to meet. And what better place to go during the rain than the tekdi... rain or no rain... I'll take my little cam out. Forgot to take my 18-55 with me, so had to make do with my little red and black lensbaby. didn't click many pics though. But it was a nice little stroll around the tekdi with Harshad and Rohit. it's always nice talking to them and planning the next trip to Auroville... which incidentally will be in the third week of September... so... after a beautiful evening on the tekdi in the most amazing weather... I have a rather uneventful and peaceful little dinner at home and sleep... quite a Sunday, i think... and like Ramit pointed out... 'exciting'... and i come to think of it... I didn't find it very exciting... but maybe I'm just expecting too much... but i don't even know what to expect...
Since i cease to make sense... I stop here for the day. Tomorrow is a new day and a new week full of work, and a lot of expectations for some long overdue excitement... I hope...
Chauffeured Avani back home from mom's place, and it began to rain. Harshad called and we decided to meet. And what better place to go during the rain than the tekdi... rain or no rain... I'll take my little cam out. Forgot to take my 18-55 with me, so had to make do with my little red and black lensbaby. didn't click many pics though. But it was a nice little stroll around the tekdi with Harshad and Rohit. it's always nice talking to them and planning the next trip to Auroville... which incidentally will be in the third week of September... so... after a beautiful evening on the tekdi in the most amazing weather... I have a rather uneventful and peaceful little dinner at home and sleep... quite a Sunday, i think... and like Ramit pointed out... 'exciting'... and i come to think of it... I didn't find it very exciting... but maybe I'm just expecting too much... but i don't even know what to expect...
Since i cease to make sense... I stop here for the day. Tomorrow is a new day and a new week full of work, and a lot of expectations for some long overdue excitement... I hope...
001:365
been on my mind for some time now... Thought I'll do it. One whole year in pictures and something to look back upon and laugh. I guess I'm just too bored...
Last night my guardian angel came to me in my dream and asked what I wanted from life... I said I wanted a life instead...
so here I am trying to make one...
PS: Don't think I could get farther than 15 days, but a little encouragement can work wonders...
Last night my guardian angel came to me in my dream and asked what I wanted from life... I said I wanted a life instead...
so here I am trying to make one...
PS: Don't think I could get farther than 15 days, but a little encouragement can work wonders...
Saturday, July 19, 2008
kids doing the 'palki' routine
The moment I loaded the fifth roll in the brownie, I was beginning to sense something. Something which said: ‘yea bitch! Now, you got it right!’ I shot with it apprehensively. Didn’t know what the result might be, considering all that I did before that and the disappointment about the usual stuff – results not being the way I expected and all. I thought I clicked a lot with it, more than usual I thought. I finally managed to finish the roll in a few days. It rested in my bag for the next few. And then yesterday, I finally managed to get it developed. I saw the negatives, and was beginning to sense something… something that said: ‘yea bitch! That’s more like it…’ So this morning, on my way to work, I dropped off the roll to the studio next to the bus stop. That female was sensing something too I felt… something that said: ‘ oh… here’s the bitch wanting some weird prints again… why can’t she shoot from a normal camera instead?’ She took the roll, and I told her I’ll collect the prints in the evening, and she said that I could get those in an hour, but I told her that I couldn’t because I would catch the bus to go to work now, so it was only possible for me to collect it in the evening, and as a reply, she just gave me a nod in the head which could be translated into something like ‘ok, silly…’ I couldn’t really stop thinking of the results, and the bus wouldn’t come… so 40 minutes of wait for my bus, and countless repeats of ‘sunset strip’ on my MP3 player later, I finally decided to swallow some pride and go back to the studio next to the bus stop. I went inside with a sheepish grin and asked if they were done printing, and that girl had a straight face when she told me that they managed only 11 prints out of that roll. I wasn’t expecting more than 12 anyway… so I asked her to show me those, and her face seemed to say ‘ wait bitch… what’s the hurry?’ So, I waited, while she billed me, and finally opened the envelope to see wonderful images right in front of me… super… I kept those in my bag, and walked out, caught my bus and went to office…
So… 2 colour and 2 black and white negatives, countless working hours and bouts of frustration later… I managed to click decent pictures from the Kodak brownie hawkeye box TLR… the original Point and shoot!
I’m feeling pretty happy now. Now to do something more with it…
So… 2 colour and 2 black and white negatives, countless working hours and bouts of frustration later… I managed to click decent pictures from the Kodak brownie hawkeye box TLR… the original Point and shoot!
I’m feeling pretty happy now. Now to do something more with it…
Sunday, July 13, 2008
16
I don’t want clarity, I don’t want perfection
I don’t want thought behind each creation.
I don’t want every frame to be a work of art
Words replacing what pictures should do from the start.
I don’t want technique and skill
I don’t want to go for the kill
I don’t want colours so bright
I don’t want a chiaroscuric black and white
I don’t want happy, I don’t want snappy
I want my lenses to be crappy
I don’t want money neither fame,
I don’t want to be part of the ‘get better’ game
I don’t want to be a professional
I don’t want to be inspirational
But I want to be neither good nor bad,
I want to feel it all, go wild, be mad
You fly away my friend,
I’ll never get there and I’ll never comprehend
How you do it, because I can’t, but pretend…
These silly lines speak for the picture above… completely irrelevant…
I listen, but I don’t learn,
I try to go with the others, but I turn
I live, and hence I continue to burn…
I concede,
I finally accept defeat
and I'm at peace.
I don’t want thought behind each creation.
I don’t want every frame to be a work of art
Words replacing what pictures should do from the start.
I don’t want technique and skill
I don’t want to go for the kill
I don’t want colours so bright
I don’t want a chiaroscuric black and white
I don’t want happy, I don’t want snappy
I want my lenses to be crappy
I don’t want money neither fame,
I don’t want to be part of the ‘get better’ game
I don’t want to be a professional
I don’t want to be inspirational
But I want to be neither good nor bad,
I want to feel it all, go wild, be mad
You fly away my friend,
I’ll never get there and I’ll never comprehend
How you do it, because I can’t, but pretend…
These silly lines speak for the picture above… completely irrelevant…
I listen, but I don’t learn,
I try to go with the others, but I turn
I live, and hence I continue to burn…
I concede,
I finally accept defeat
and I'm at peace.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Kodak brownie hawkeye project
got some prints today. That studio guy refused to print the whole length and sprockets for reasons best known to himself... I'll have my day some day!
Till then, I got some pics printed taken through the Brownie hawkeye!
SO... the camera works ... now i need to learn to use it better! So here I start my Kodak brownie Hawkeye project!
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