One Fine Late winter night singing with momah!

My mother loves to sing. and she sings much better than I do.
Tonight, I was casually strumming my guitar, when my mother came by and started singing 'Maa' from taare zameen par. And I suddenly stopped playing. She asked me if i was playing the same song... so I resumed playing and asked her to sing. Both of us didn't know the lyrics completely, but we sang for our respective mothers. we finished, smiled at each other and our amazing timing, and she walked away. All this happened in the space of three minutes. And I'm still wondering where those few moments came from. It was easier as a kid to express my affection for her. I'm not as little now, and its difficult to express it in words, or deeds. So I will always wish for more such subtle moments with mum.
and just to end with a lighter note, I was tuning my guitar as she walked out of the room,... and she remarked - 'there... you started playing your favourite tune again' ...
(i said ...'wha...?')

the other girl blues

I called my friend last night

He just pretended to listen’

Still searching for her number

The girl he’s been missing

He told me how they met,

And why he found her hot

I thought shes all there can be,

And I’m obviously not

Oooooh…. The way that she smiles,

The way that she talks

Through her luscious pink lips

And her pretty little walk

I say honey… Please stop

Don’t even bother…

‘cause no girl wants to hear about

any other…

An experiment of a different kind

Wednesday, 12|11|08
Mid week crisis hits hard. Terrible bout of depression. Things just not happening my way. Hence decided to try something else. And I thought of switching off my mobile for a week. Seven calender days. It will help me to know how much people (don't) want to talk to me. I think the sooner I realise this the better. Another upside of this is that I'll get rid of all the unwanted promotional calls and texts. I'll get a lot of time to think too...
So first day today...

disappointment looms large ...

with due apologies to the bird, the first birdshot through my homemade lens.
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

ok, its not as good as it could have been, but where the heck are people when i want to show them the shots I think are worth showing?

words fail me... so i draw

the comparison
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

the long shot, the last night...

they studio guy didn't scan it. for him, it was a shot gone wrong. so i scanned it myself. at office. I loved the scan no matter how poor it was. the hour long trails were heavenly. the trees like dark crayon renderings of a juvinile prodigy's drawing. i lay on the white tiled terrace of Mitra guest house. the place i stayed before. almost completing the circle... almost... but it isn't. Just like the trails. incomplete. i was there... roles reversed... but still alone throughout. I was thinking of the times before. What had i achieved? what would i achieve and what should i?
what was i going to do once that night was over? once i was back... i don't want to be back. I want to remain in a dream all my life. like i was before. but the dream lasts only till disturbed. and i woke up to the cacophony amidst my quiet surroundings and i realised that maybe my dream isn't meant to be there... and at that moment. And i closed my tired eyes and slept peacefully...

the return of that stupid mad season...

the return of that stupid mad season...
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

Yes... the mad holiday season...

time out? or time up? ... I wish I knew...

little off, but getting there...

little off, but getting there...
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

I can almost hear the rain again...

I can almost hear the rain again...
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

The grey turns the air mellow again
Daylight seems not so yellow again
Filtering sunbeams from the sky
The eager clouds seem to bellow at me again.

The droplets seem chaste again,
I can almost feel their taste again,
Falling on the muddy road,
It seems to taint them with haste again.

I can almost hear the rain again
Its all going down the drain again
Laying low in little puddles,
It seems to stagnate in vain again.

I can almost hear the rain again

Minolta HI MATIC AF2 M camera

Minolta HI MATIC AF2 M camera
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

Got this one from my Boss. He said it didn't work... I said it'll work. So he asked me to check it out...
Drove at peak times on Karve Road today. Drove after many many months! what an experience... rain, countless ganesh mandals and all...

Inspiration comes from weird quarters ...

I saw the movie Rock On. And now I'm all inspired by Arjun Rampal's character...
Yes ladies and gentlemen... I've decided that I'm growing my hair... till they come up to my (non existent due to excess flab) waist! hopefully I'll lose some excess weight and all till then! ;)
Just like I had 14 years ago... !
PS: Yea... maybe I'll start playing my guitar a bit more than I do now a days...

of afternoon conversations and Puneri conversationalists...

We have some really great lunchtime conversations in my workplace. And that’s purely because of some great Puneri conversationalists. It’s really interesting to discover their traits and strange behaviour patterns. Traditional Punekars are to Maharashtra what the English are to Europe. Apart from the obvious disparity in the scale of these former mentioned areas, of course. Not only are they prim and proper all the time, Punekars are very sarcastic and haughty as well. They are a nice lot, albeit their strange traits and ways of talking. You have to know them and be like them to accept them.

Old school Punekars are gracious hosts, as long as you speak what they want to listen to and talk only when spoken to, and do not consume any of their precious resources. But you have to be a cheeky old school Puneri guest to be able to keep excellent relations with them, which might vary from mild insolence to sheer disregard.

Walk into a shop and you’ll be attended to immediately, as soon as you finish looking around and spot what you want to buy and manage to captivate the attention of the respective salesman / woman. Their motto: “shopkeepers are kings… consumers can wait...” Your presence is a mere hurdle to their business. They can do much better without you. The goods are top quality, and if you cannot be patient, you are free to go to any of the other non-maharashtrian traders. They may pamper you, treat you like Gods, and behave like you mean the world to them, but I’ll eat my words if you find anything that’s even remotely better than what you find in traditional Puneri shops.

Any true Punekar, irrespective of his/her age, maturity and general intelligence will always say that Pune isn’t what it used to be earlier even if at certain times, its spoken with a certain amount of remorse and nostalgia.

Once you become a Punekar, no other place suits you. The water, the weather, food, the greenery, et all… outside Pune becomes just unbearable. Punekars may be like the British, but they can beat any Spanish and Italian when it comes to siesta times. Everything shuts down between one to 4 in the afternoons, due to the most gorgeous weather save a few days in mid May… although, the Punekars will swear to the fact that it’s as cold here in winter as it is in Kashmir, even if the temperature falls a degree below normal. To understand this, ask a Mumbaikar… He will agree with the Punekar for once…

Traffic… now that’s one issue that I can dedicate a whole essay to. I’ll refrain from doing so, but there are some particularly unique issues cropping up here too. For instance, pedestrians are the most unwanted accessories on Pune roads. And foot-paths are for small time vendors and weekly/daily vegetable markets, which are to be accessed using bikes, which are to be parked right in front of the concerned vendor… interesting.

What do I say about cyclists…? The mechanised traffic shares a love hate relationship with the poor geezers on bicycles. They love to hate them… About the cyclists great sense of traffic rules, righteousness and comic timing (they do make one laugh sometimes) - the less said, the better…

There is a wonderful public transport system running in the city of Pune. So wonderfully engrossed it is in public duty, that making profit is none of its business. Punekars will only attempt stepping onto any one of its buses, only if they are just the way they are in their half baked ideas of European public transport systems and the TV visions of the Delhi Metro. I don’t blame them… Punekars are the ones who acquire a two wheeler as soon as they pass out of 10^th standard, and start attending college because that’s just the way it is. There’s no the Punekars can dream of pressurising the PMC to improve public transport. They would rather pressurise the PMC to revoke its silly rule that makes helmets compulsory because it’s difficult to see around and hear traffic even though it’s ok to listen talk on the phone or to music while riding.

Punekars score in interesting debates and presentation of hypothetical ideas, as you might have realised.

A very typical trait of Punekars is criticising the very city and people that they are a part of. The holier than though attitude allows them ignorance enough to overlook their personal shortcomings. You have to like them… they are only human…

I am showing many signs of turning into one myself, (as you might have noticed by now) having being in the company of Punekars for the last six years…

I can go on and on about Punekars, it’s really never ending. But what I started off with was that two of my Puneri colleagues were talking about a certain type of khakra that was available in a certain shop.

Ketaki asked Sneha (typically Puneri names) when the current packet of khakra in her house might finish off…? And Sneha replied saying that Ketaki will be duly informed whenever that might happen.

In simpler words, Ketaki, in her tactful Puneri cheek, wanted Sneha to get a packet of Khakra for her, and Sneha, equally Puneri and cheeky, duly replied…

We all speak Marathi, but it’s obvious that we don’t speak the same language.

the last few days ...

08.08.18

I have nothing to write these days. There’s just nothing happening. Sometimes even an advice sounds so valuable before I sleep over it. Then it sounds worthless. Something I could never so or be. Things are always so two faced. When I’m bored, all that sounds so important and fine, and suddenly, it starts sounding all fake and silly. I should always give myself some more time before I do or say certain things. Being impulsive will ruin me, as I have discovered in the past. I don’t mind being useless. In fact, there have to be useless people in the world for the world to appreciate useful people. Imagine if each and every one was a winner… winning would be mediocre. And we losers would be winners. Sure, we losers make sense sometimes.

I met Atul after a long time yesterday at Harshad’s place. I laugh imagining how we all were six years back when we first met. I was a kid just out of school! His new little guitar is damn amazing. That’s his travelling guitar. He made it in the US. And since he was there for just a few weeks, I thought maybe the guitar is the reason he went there. That’s what he did at Aroville. He spent his time playing his guitar and making one. That’s the best thing one can do there actually. Now, I want a little guitar myself! Maybe I can make one. But I don’t have the resources to do so. Good quality wood, some metal, and etc… And while I’m dreaming, I want a bass too. But anyway… some day I will. Here’s another one of my ideas left incomplete.

But that little guitar is very cute to play. And it has a very non-reverberating bass sound. And it’s little. And so cute. I want one!!!

Now I’m as green as his guitar… I always want more than I need. But that’s human nature. Not me. I don’t have a nice guitar strap. I need one so I can stand and play my guitar. I can make one. Sounds like a great idea, I jest need to check how I can make one at home.

My guitar string tensile structure idea is still somewhere in my mind’s closed closets, the key to which I have lost somewhere. I need to read more about tensile structures and all. I still remember my brilliant bridge, the one that I designed during the bamboo workshop in second year. It really was well made. If only the clutch wire had arrived before and if only I had had the necessary spare parts, it would have been lighter, nicer and much more effective. But I learnt a lot. Maybe some day if I get a chance to, I could design such a bridge for some little span. That would be nice.

Making a guitar is a very nice idea. Let me at least start researching on it. See if I can get some nice raw materials and some tools. I need to start spending some of my money on better things. So I spend more money on commuting

08.08.19

When I desperately wish for something and I get it, I usually end up making the most phenomenal blunder I can ever make, and give away whatever I have earned. On a silver platter. Even if I get something I deserve, it’s always lost so easily by my own divine deeds. I feel amazed. I work hard on self pitying, blackmailing the supreme force and get my hearts wish … and I blow up all the earned hard work in 5 minutes . How stupid can I possibly get!

08.08.20.

Sourabh said that the phase that I’m going through is good to galvanise me into the person that I aspire to be. According to him, the guilty feeling is good.

But how can something that makes me feel terrible make me do things later? How can I possibly believe this is going to help mould me? What do I want to be moulded into?

I’ve been losing sleep over all this. I’m wondering what to do to make this feeling go away. There’s a momentary relief when I’m doing things, but it comes back, and I feel like this again. My brain is overheating. Whatever little is remaining.

I set about making myself completely useless today. I did nothing constructive. Diem perdidi… what can be more disgraceful than that?

I just want to make my life a holiday. Everyday should be one. But alas… it’s not to be… I’m not making it into one.

08.08.21

Gangu arranged for a little presentation that I’ll be giving at college on photography. It is a small session open for all as a part of first year basic design and 3^rd an 4^th year elective on photography. It’s going to be really interesting. Let’s hope I make sense to them of what I’m doing. I wonder what I should show them in terms of composition, and content. I have to start sorting photographs from today itself. I don’t want it to become an exercise in just displaying my pictures, but for them to understand about various ways of compositions and moments. About colours, spaces, textures and tones, shadows, movements, planes and masses … perspectives and focus, point and views and depths of field.

08.08.25

Sometimes, ideas just come from somewhere. Just like yesterday. Another afternoon power-cut forced me to switch off the computer in order to lessen the load on the UPS. And I sat down to see all that my mother discovered today. She loves to empty out drawers and take out all the unwanted stuff from there, and make way for more unwanted stuff that I love to accumulate. Yesterday, she found some old biconvex magnifying lenses. And a small lens from my former fish eye door viewer. The one which I was used for my initial lens baby experiments, and which was later relegated to that little box in one of the messy drawers once I found that it was the wrong lens. As a kid I always troubled my mother when I had nothing to do. So she would give me the junk in on of the messy drawers to buy her some peaceful time. We have, over time kept our respective habits intact.

So even before I could start yesterday afternoon, she handed the lenses over to me, and I was wondering what could be made out of them. Sunday afternoons are lazy, and I soon slept it off and woke up quite forgetting the lenses. Then post the grand spectacle of the Olympic ceremony and dinner, I was back with those lenses… I realised soon enough, that that one of the lens would make a wonderful fixed zoom lens which can focus on objectives in different visual planes. Now all I need is something to hold it. The lens would function if I moved it closer and further away from the sensor for focus, and so I needed to make it flexible. Don't think i can complete it soon though...

the brick wants to be...

the brick wants to be...
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

I passed by a hideous building today. It was one of those isolated new luxury apartments that was supposed to promote contemporary and healthy hillside living... the less said the better. And Devina told me that a year back while that building was being done up you could see bricks on the walls. Given the shoddy workmanship and shoddier quality of brick in Pune, it would come as no surprise if the above happened...

of weird dreams and pink socks and rains enough to flood my imagination crazy!

I have been having weird dreams. Yesterday night I dreamed that in the movie Dark night, Bruce Wayne has problems modulating his voice and suddenly starts speaking in his 'Batman' baritone in between the conversation. And he has to excuse himself and leave the room. Funny,... isn't it? I can remember his expression as he realises that he cannot control his voice, and turns around to clear his throat and turn back to find that he still has problems.
If only they made me make a batman movie...
I also dreamt that it rained so much that the streets and all are flooded, and so is my stilt parking, and I have to swim to get out. Well... I'm not complaining...
I had once teased Sneha to death the day I saw she wore pink socks. That until I walked into office wearing light pink socks yesterday. Sneha noticed this as soon and I entered and that was the moment I realised I was wearing pink socks... Yea... thats what happens when I leave my shopping to mom. I end up with light pink socks. But hey I'm a busy girl... (!)
Finally its been raining somewhat like what I want it to rain. I've been day dreaming more than usual. And my usual is a lot... But I can't help it. its just the most beautiful weather!

I was reading Calvin and Hobbes today, when i came across these 3 strips... Bill Watterson is a smart geezer... and he draws damn well. In fact, I don't think there can be a cartoonist that brilliant again!

013:365

013:365
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

hmmm... what do i write... except i'm going to miss Shruti. Now i'll see her next year. I'm happy we all met her today before she left for the US. One years time is a lot. and things change. And she has made us all promise we won't get married while she's in the US. She wants to be there for all our weddings. All i can say to her is - Don't worry Shruti... it's not going to happen soon ;)

012:365

012:365
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

the day starts not so nicely, but i get my film developed. The first one through the yashica GSN Electro 35. Its pretty amazing. and I liked the results. Now going to shoot more. Then office was lazy. Still no hard rain. I'm almost dying for it now. 3-6 hours of power cuts at the area where i work, inverter batteries not charging well. too much work. The mood not as i wish it should be ... monsoons should be much more fun. not halfhearted like they are now... well... hoping (yet again) for better times ahead...

011:365

011:365
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

all i can do is think of the days and the people...

010:365

010:365
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

and the realisation hits... hits hard. tell me what I did? and I'd never do it again. But tell me.
the bad phase continues... and it doesn't rain enough. Heard of Miroslav Tichý for the first time... wonder how i didn't know anything about him till now!

008 & 009:365

009:365
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

I sensed the end. Another chapter closing, and I’ve decided to leave the book for now. No last glances, no farewells, no tears. It just faded out. Not for me, though. For me, it was just starting. But as usual, its not me who decides such stuff. Its never me who wants to fall into it. It’s never me who gets out of it. I am made to do these things. Somebody else decides. And most of the times, its over before it even starts. Not new, it isn’t. But I’m not getting immune. And I’ll let time heal it again. Until the next time… I wish there would be some chapter that doesn’t ever finish, but I think I’m being too optimistic when I wish.
It was a nice Saturday and Sunday I had. Saturday was a site visit with Anjali and Samantha. Those two are nice to hang around with. Lunch was at home, and dinner out with friends.
Sunday morning woke up late. It is a lazy day today. It’s in the air… Nandu uncle invited Revati and me for lunch. Medini Aunty cooked fish for us. It was a wonderful afternoon, and I was glad to be with Revati on Friendships day.
All this mellowness in the air... need some hard rain to cool off.

007:365

080801

007:365
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

After five hopeless days…
Pretty cool eh?
Well, even if it isn’t to you… it is to me…
I ACTUALLY did it. Revived Shekhar Sir’s old GSN camera! That’s what he gave it to me for… All that it needed was a 6 v battery of the 4LR44 kinds. And those are hard to find here. I had an idea of actually fabricating one with four 1.5 v batteries of the LR44 kinds. But I felt it was stupid. So when another friend suggested I try it out, I said, what the heck…after 5 days of failure, what’s the big deal with facing another one…
So a few minutes later, I had 4 1.5 v LR44 batteries with me. Hunted the old drawers for a spring. That’s where I keep all the old junk that I feel I will use some day or the other but end up storing for ages altogether.
So I had the batteries, the spring, some thick handmade paper and tape, and a nut (no… not me). I just taped all the four LR44 batteries together, and wrapped the thick handmade paper around it so that it would fit in the camera. The nut held the spring in place and that came next on top of the 4 batteries. This whole unit functioned as the 6 v battery. Hows that!?! I’ve been breaking my head over this battery for the last 5 days, and now finally! I have brought it back to life. Now to load the rangefinder with some film! And tell Sir about his camera!
So if you have any gadgetry that works with a 6 v battery, and you can't find the 4LR44 type battery, just make it with four LR44 batteries the way I did.
The cam & LR 44 batteries - cost me 60 bucks (just the batteries, not the cam)

The nut, spring and the four batteries with paper.

the positive terminal of the battery.

The battery homogenised and now more or less the same saize as the 5.4 volt (not manufactured anymore) that it replaces.

The mess...

006:365

006:365
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

The hunt for the 6 v battery enters the fourth day. I found that Yashica makes 6 v battery adapters for their batteries. And I don’t know where I’ll get it from. It’s quite frustrating. I must learn to stay calmer.
I screamed at a person driving from beyond his side road while I was crossing the road. Why should I waste my moments of insanity on him? I’d rather channelise it to better use. But how? There are so many questions I don’t have the answer to.
I forgot Pooja’s B’day this month. I wouldn’t want to forget anyone else’s this year. I already forgot Revati’s a few years back, and she makes me regret it till today. As if I don’t feel bad for it already.
The 20 min walk for the bus makes me sweaty all over. It’s pathetic to smell by the end of the day. Why can’t I stay fresh like all those femmes in those commercials? Why do they look like they’ve just had a bath and caked themselves with 3 layers of make up to make them look as if they haven’t put on any make up at all? Why do others find great clothes from a certain store, while I can’t find a single decent one when I take out my annual shopping expedition there? Why do others never manage to get bad traffic like I do when I drive ever so rarely? Why do the movies I want to see have to be on in screens at only 11 AM and 11 PM on weekdays, while the others have already seen it in the first week? Why don’t I ever get the right kind of landscape shots at the same place others get spellbinding shots at? Why does no one ever notice when I do something and others get noticed for doing something similar or much less in a tick! Why do I always get stuck at the self enforced useless projects and feel sad while others are happier not doing it, and not feeling bad for something they didn’t do. Damn… Why do certain things happen to me and no one else in this world? Why are things never so bad that keep getting worst?
Just a few of life’s little sublime comic tragedies. Its like I’m the greatest source of slapstick entertainment for the supreme force that controls this universe. A comic relief in this stupidly tense world… Oh well… at least I’m not completely useless.
Ankur sent me a message yesterday that we were meeting Anil tomorrow at 8.15 AM at vaishali. And since he didn’t specify breakfast, I read it as 8.15 PM instead. Had I not messaged Pooja confirming the meet, I would have been standing outside Vaishali for a long long time today evening. A few people have a lot of time these days. And thats just my dumb luck that Last whole year, I was the one with a lot of time, and now, a lot of people, but me, do...
Over the last few days, it seems that the whole world and even my own mind is conspiring against me to make my friends forget me slowly… wow… that’s a fantastically horrifying thought. As if I wasn’t depressed enough already… losing touch with fellow humans is very difficult. I make it sound so easy. A lot of people I know have actually stopped calling me up because of the inadequate response I gave to them due to the ‘lack of time.’ Yea, I can be pretty stupid sometimes… most of the times… maybe all the time… I better stop. I’ll end up insulting myself even more if I go on. All this insanity gets to me…
And just before the end of the day… when I thought things were taking a turn for the worst, my mom hands me over my 100 MOO mini calling cards! Along with the card holder I ordered… They are cute. Well, at least someone appreciates me… even if I paid money for it… ;)

005:365

005:365
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

I was reading Calvin and Hobbes after lunch at work. Calvin says: ‘I find life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone’s expectations.’ That done, how do I lower my expectations from my life and people I know? And maybe even those I don’t know?
I expect phone calls, friends to come and meet me, special people doing special things for me, money, fame, action, romance, comedy... so much that the actual experience is an anti-climax. A ‘big dud at the box office’ as they call it. Heck… I just summarised my life!
Funny people are not that funny anymore… happy people are not happy anymore. Good people are not good any more… to me. Yea I know why… That’s the thing: people are as funny, happy or good, it’s just that I expect them to be funnier, happier and nicer.
Why should I possibly expect something, when I don’t want anyone to expect anything from me? It makes nobody, but me, unhappy. When was the last time I was truthfully happy? Makes me think now…
Sadness is essential. It makes me appreciate the happy times even more. So I’m glad that I’m sad… but it’s high time I was happy… really, truly, actually happy. Good thing… but how?
Autocad behaves funny these days some arbitrary commands keep being applied to the drawings I am working on. They don’t even make sense. Seems like some AUTOCAD Beta version. Weird. It seems to be some sort of virus, worm or something. Yech!

6 V battery search enters into the third day… I’m just not taking enough efforts. I should be hunting for it like crazy if I want it so badly… maybe I don’t want it so bad. But I want to see if that old camera sill ok. I’m lazy.
I saw a pretty little ladybug today. I clicked her picture, and she seemed to say: ‘don’t bug me, lady!’ I also clicked a picture of a little white spider after it had succeeded in trapping and killing a fly twice its size. Thank you for the publicity, said the spider. Monsoons are magic with my little macro attachment for my camera.
Come to think of it, it’s a very violent action. Violence exists everywhere… just leave It to humans to take the fun out of it.
And today was the day I learnt how to ruin a decently proportionate sketch…

004:365

004:365
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

Went walking in the rain and learnt a lesson : no use taking a shower in the morning as I get wet anyway... Thanks, today, to a speedy rickshaw. There was rainwater all over me... but the bus came so late that it dried off before i got on the bus.
The hunt for the 6 v battery continues... Need to tell my electrician to help me out with it. Hes my family electrician (believe what i say!)
I actually shopped at Laxmi road... out of necessity actually. I can always avoid shopping, but tell me to click pics there, And I'll be more than ready. but sometimes, even the most hated tasks have to be done. Necessary evil.
Remembered what Navisa - my new Love guru told me... Unknowingly, I am sort of following her advice... But must I really? Am I still expecting too much?

003:365

003:365
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

A lot of people are very kind to me these days. Those who know I like to use (not always to the best effect) old cameras. And I have yet another camera...
So one late Sunday night I decide to research some batteries. For a Yashica electra 35 camera. A rare rangefinder, and that’s essentially an aperture priority camera. The 5.6 v batteries, I found out, have long since become extinct, so I decided to search for some solution to revive it online. And I find that these cameras can handle 6 v charge without much trouble. That’s a relief… but these batteries are pretty hard to find too. I haven’t found any in any camera shop a yet. Maybe today I’ll go and search for it in a few more electrical shops. I can’t let such a camera go waste just because some battery is not being manufactured now. That’s one thing... secondly, if I can’t manage to do this, I’ll suffer a bout of depression. So I have to try my hardest to make it work. I just hope the internal circuitry hasn’t gone bad… that would spell disaster. Imagine… A 35 mm lens, aperture priority rangefinder rendered unusable… I need to do something. Apart from a good laugh at work today... I was inspired to try out a new thing... Thanks to the great Navisa... my new love - adviser!

002:365

002:365
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

Woke up late, had Srihari visit us in the morning from mysore with his new car and the news of his engagement due soon enough. Went to Poorva's place for lunch and had my usual discussion/debate/argument with Porva's dad and Shekhar mama about economics and trends of spending and investment of todays youth as compared to the older generation...
Chauffeured Avani back home from mom's place, and it began to rain. Harshad called and we decided to meet. And what better place to go during the rain than the tekdi... rain or no rain... I'll take my little cam out. Forgot to take my 18-55 with me, so had to make do with my little red and black lensbaby. didn't click many pics though. But it was a nice little stroll around the tekdi with Harshad and Rohit. it's always nice talking to them and planning the next trip to Auroville... which incidentally will be in the third week of September... so... after a beautiful evening on the tekdi in the most amazing weather... I have a rather uneventful and peaceful little dinner at home and sleep... quite a Sunday, i think... and like Ramit pointed out... 'exciting'... and i come to think of it... I didn't find it very exciting... but maybe I'm just expecting too much... but i don't even know what to expect...
Since i cease to make sense... I stop here for the day. Tomorrow is a new day and a new week full of work, and a lot of expectations for some long overdue excitement... I hope...

001:365

001:365
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

been on my mind for some time now... Thought I'll do it. One whole year in pictures and something to look back upon and laugh. I guess I'm just too bored...
Last night my guardian angel came to me in my dream and asked what I wanted from life... I said I wanted a life instead...
so here I am trying to make one...

PS: Don't think I could get farther than 15 days, but a little encouragement can work wonders...

kids doing the 'palki' routine

kids doing the 'palki' routine
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

The moment I loaded the fifth roll in the brownie, I was beginning to sense something. Something which said: ‘yea bitch! Now, you got it right!’ I shot with it apprehensively. Didn’t know what the result might be, considering all that I did before that and the disappointment about the usual stuff – results not being the way I expected and all. I thought I clicked a lot with it, more than usual I thought. I finally managed to finish the roll in a few days. It rested in my bag for the next few. And then yesterday, I finally managed to get it developed. I saw the negatives, and was beginning to sense something… something that said: ‘yea bitch! That’s more like it…’ So this morning, on my way to work, I dropped off the roll to the studio next to the bus stop. That female was sensing something too I felt… something that said: ‘ oh… here’s the bitch wanting some weird prints again… why can’t she shoot from a normal camera instead?’ She took the roll, and I told her I’ll collect the prints in the evening, and she said that I could get those in an hour, but I told her that I couldn’t because I would catch the bus to go to work now, so it was only possible for me to collect it in the evening, and as a reply, she just gave me a nod in the head which could be translated into something like ‘ok, silly…’ I couldn’t really stop thinking of the results, and the bus wouldn’t come… so 40 minutes of wait for my bus, and countless repeats of ‘sunset strip’ on my MP3 player later, I finally decided to swallow some pride and go back to the studio next to the bus stop. I went inside with a sheepish grin and asked if they were done printing, and that girl had a straight face when she told me that they managed only 11 prints out of that roll. I wasn’t expecting more than 12 anyway… so I asked her to show me those, and her face seemed to say ‘ wait bitch… what’s the hurry?’ So, I waited, while she billed me, and finally opened the envelope to see wonderful images right in front of me… super… I kept those in my bag, and walked out, caught my bus and went to office…
So… 2 colour and 2 black and white negatives, countless working hours and bouts of frustration later… I managed to click decent pictures from the Kodak brownie hawkeye box TLR… the original Point and shoot!
I’m feeling pretty happy now. Now to do something more with it…

16

16
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

I don’t want clarity, I don’t want perfection
I don’t want thought behind each creation.

I don’t want every frame to be a work of art
Words replacing what pictures should do from the start.

I don’t want technique and skill
I don’t want to go for the kill

I don’t want colours so bright
I don’t want a chiaroscuric black and white

I don’t want happy, I don’t want snappy
I want my lenses to be crappy

I don’t want money neither fame,
I don’t want to be part of the ‘get better’ game

I don’t want to be a professional
I don’t want to be inspirational

But I want to be neither good nor bad,
I want to feel it all, go wild, be mad

You fly away my friend,
I’ll never get there and I’ll never comprehend
How you do it, because I can’t, but pretend…
These silly lines speak for the picture above… completely irrelevant…

I listen, but I don’t learn,
I try to go with the others, but I turn
I live, and hence I continue to burn…

I concede,
I finally accept defeat

and I'm at peace.

Kodak brownie hawkeye project

got some prints today. That studio guy refused to print the whole length and sprockets for reasons best known to himself... I'll have my day some day!
Till then, I got some pics printed taken through the Brownie hawkeye!
SO... the camera works ... now i need to learn to use it better! So here I start my Kodak brownie Hawkeye project!

Monday morning blues: Tuesday edition

Monday morning blues: Tuesday edition
Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?" - Jean Kerr

well... yea right...

Brownie... the pencil sharpener?

I had already clicked a photo of our office gang post lunch outside mainland China even before the security guard could stop me... That was through my brownie, so he may not have realised I was taking a picture... Devina said "tell him its a pencil sharpener instead, see how we fooled you"... well, that was the conclusion of a mad, but super and welcome lunch treat with the office gang! Just came at the right time.

I'm thankful for this day, and thankful to my boss for cheering us all up!

As for the brownie, I have now two black and whites and one colour negatives to be developed. I'm eagerly awaiting results.
and for once.... I'm not working over the weekend!
Wow!

27th June 2008

dark, portentous

Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

that feeling creeps up again...

bad hair days

list of pending things piling up, too much work, no time for anything else... missing the bus regularly, ignored by everyone, no ideas in my head, no time to spend with my best friend, getting drenched in the rain too often due to unforeseen circumstances, no more picture opportunities, weekends spent just finishing pending tasks, friends in auroville... where i should have been...

life could not be sadder ...

Damn... Too many bad hair days lately... what else can go wrong? its a case of 'Aa bail mujhe maar... '

February nostalgia in June

It’s breezy again. Just like February, sans blue skies. The nostalgia returns. But it’s not a particular memory – a place, a person an event. It’s the days gone by. It’s all the people I know; I like and left behind over the years. Its all the places I visited, all the events that make me evolve constantly. All those little chattels of mine, the drawings and comics I made. Mindless hot afternoons spent playing outside till the sun went down. Sometimes fighting over insignificant matters, feeling left out by friends, having to prove being worthy of the group being a newcomer. And later, making someone else prove loyalty.

Leaving places, and secretly crying about it. Letting go best friends in anticipation of new ones, while they do too. Walking about in the mid summer afternoon looh towards cooler terrain, with marvellous clear blue skies and sparkling clouds. The little world that enclosed me there, the hills, the trees, the flowers, everything enticed me. The dark woods on slopes where newfound imaginary monsters and ghosts could reside. The little glass room to sleep in watching stars in summers. In the day time trying to converse through sign language from there to my neighbour in her glass room. Playing games with others in the evening. Autumn times with red chinar tree leaves all over. The nights turning cooler and the days shorter. Sometimes it rained, sometimes there were clouds. Me and my friends would walk back home from dinner at someone’s place. There was a qabaristaan on the way. We seemed to sense ghosts there. We found a garage rolling shutter open slowly before us, and we ran for our lives, the two of us, only to forget that incident once back home.

There I saw the snow fall for the first time! I woke up on a fine November morning to find my dad by my bed breaking the news… how I ran outside to see it! We made the conventional snowmen and the not so conventional snow-women. We broke ice frozen on the water puddles by the sometimes slushy rain. Warming near frozen feet by the bukhari looking at the black coal turn a fiery orange and ultimately, ash white. The snow would render the night with such a surreal luminosity, so subdued and cool, with the added effect of smoke arising out of every house disappearing somewhere in the sky. The times after snowfall were the coldest, when the breeze blew over snow, and even the most brilliant streak of sunlight couldn’t warm me. The snow glared at me instead, and made my eyes hurt. I would walk back from my friend’s house in the middle of a blizzard, making the 5 minute walk seem like eternity. I was alone on the streets, in that restrained evening light. The cold cutting in my eyes, pink chubby cheeks and my nose turned pale. I always wished for ice cream then… school was shut in winters, and studies were the last activity on my mind. I took the camera and my friends out and clicked their pictures sometimes. School started in February, and I was in never in any mood to study. Especially for exams. I never bothered much, though. By the end of term in March, winters receded and spring arrived, with an array of wild flowers that I could never forget. Pretty purple and red poppies, little yellow flowers of so many kinds, hues of orange, blue and pink sprinkled over pretty little meadows, on the roadside, and all along hills and rows of houses. I remember a particular trek up a little hill. I have never experienced such nirvana again. It was so pleasant. So colourful with blue skies, wildflowers, hues and shades of green and blues, and the clear morning air.

I remember mulberries and my trial at making a mulberry cake. It turned out a stunning grey, and tasted wonderful. We would go plucking cherries from a cherry tree, but had to walk uphill to the other colony for that. But we had to have the sweet-sour cherries…

Summers arrived with rain and storms. I can vividly remember a huge tree falling just a few feet away from where I was. I was riding my bicycle. I didn’t panic… I was just awed by the sight of the fallen tree, and my friend pulled me away from there, making me leave by dear bicycle there. We went to a nearby shopping complex, and waited for the storm to pass by in the courtyard. I retrieved my bicycle in a few minutes after the storm passed … or was it an eternity…? I can’t seem to remember. I told my mother in a matter of fact way about it, and she seemed to think I was far away from the tree. That was soon forgotten. I realise now, that things would have been very different had I not been so lucky that day.

Riding the cycle was a favourite pastime. On empty roads where no one would see me, I would stand on the pedals and leave my hand off the handle and just go… the slopes helped. I have had my share of accidents, but what’s life without them. I still have injury marks on me as a reminder of all the amusing things I’ve done. Two birthdays I celebrated there were the best. My birthday arrives during the summer vacations, so my friends were always missing. But here, summer vacations were 10 days in july. So all my friends were there for my birthday. It rained every time, and one being a leap year, it arrived on a Saturday both the times! I slipped in water playing kho kho at school on both occasions. I accompanied my dad for walks in the morning sometimes. He was so brisk that I had to run to catch up with him. Uphill!

By the end of that summer, I had started to paint watercolour landscapes. I still have one in my grandparents room. Framed and displayed proudly… That summer was really upbeat, but slow. It was a summer of contemplation, and a noticeable change in me. It was inevitable I think.

And then the next autumn, it was time for me to leave again. I set out to all the places I loved, and said goodbye. I was sure I wasn’t going to return for a few years. And now, its been 12 years since I left. That’s half my life… And I look back at all that. The places I loved, all those little chattels of mine, the paintings I made. Mindless lonely walks amidst blizzards, loving the surreal night light, snow... Sometimes fighting over insignificant matters, feeling left out by friends, having to prove being worthy of the group being a newcomer. And later, making someone else prove loyalty.

Leaving the places, and secretly crying about it. Letting go best friends in anticipation of new ones, while they do too. Walking about in the cool September air with blue skies, sparkling clouds and brilliant greens, towards an uncertainty beyond comprehension of my little mind. I wasn’t sure of what to expect from he new places. My world had just grown bigger, and these little things were too little.

And things were never the same again.

This photo was taken by Laura ... I miss my auroville office gang so much!
clockwise from top right: Megha, Udaya, Philipp, Mary, Navisa, Dhilshath, Laura, and yours truly!

...

Thou shalt do the paramount tasks in thy life... but ne'er taketh thyself seriously...

Shit happens...

Experiments galore!

This story starts a couple of months back, when I hadn’t yet started working full time at the place where I do now, and just when I was running out of ideas

It was one of those days when the events are consequential to many more amusing times ahead. Amusing, I say because they are!

That fateful day, Nandu uncle lent me his old Rollie to experiment with. According to him, it hadn’t been used in decades! At first he was to give it for repair and cleaning up to some professional he knew, but something made him change his mind… someone told him I’d do it decently too… suicide for the camera, you may say, but I was thrilled! He wanted me to make use of it the way I wished to. He even gave me his kind permission to rip it apart, and synthesize it as desired. That’s just perfect! Some exercise for my grey cells (whatever’s left of them) at last!

The rollie is a big camera! Bulky and really old! The viewfinder, although big, was not clear at all, and needed bright light to be able to display images. The other lens was better than that one. This wouldn’t do too well for Ttv (through the viewfinder) I decided. And wanted to experiment with square format photos on film, but getting the film would be the hardest part. And I’m very lazy when it comes to the labour-intensive effort of probing for certain atypical stuff and finding out were it might be available! Instead, I just turned all my messy drawers inside out to search for a few old 35 mm film rolls that I threw in there a year back, when I stopped using Pooja’s camera, borrowed a long time ago!

So the story actually starts a year back, but let’s not get into so many details.

So with a 35 mm film in one hand, and a heavy rollie in another, I was weighing my options… how do I fit the 35 mm film in the medium format camera? How do I use the spools that are there? What happens after the film gets over? How can I spool it back in without opening? What If I open it in the dark and rewind, when I can’t see a thing myself? What about fixing the free end of the film to the other spool? Will it wind after I load and fix in its place? What if the pictures don’t get exposed? What if they get washed out? Too many questions… and I didn’t have the answer. So I did the next best thing: I Googled! Google has the ultimate answer to all of mankind’s problems! Or as a friend said: ‘if no, at least it gives the source where the answer might lie…’ Hallelujah!!

So I found the ‘almost right’ answer. This link by this guy who tried similar stuff had him using the old spool, chopping it off in three parts, and using the sides to fix into the 35 mm film spool hollow ends. He’s a smart dude, I must say! He also had another ‘almost right’ answer to another ‘almost perplexing’ question I had… about how to avoid spooling off in the dark.

He talked about using and old empty 35 mm spool and its central rod to hook up the free end of the new film in, and attaching it to the other end of the camera using similar methods as the first. In this case, the film that one winds is directly getting into the other spare empty spool!! Brilliant!

So I did that too. And I started clicking. Not for the sake of composition, but for the sake of finding out if this camera still worked. It had to! Accepting the fact(s) that the shutter speed lever was broken, the lenses were not clean, couldn’t view the frame in the viewfinder properly, and a meagre improvisation with a 35 mm film, and the camera squeaks protests at periodically… it does not sound clickable! There is a certain need to clean and lubricate the camera for smoother functioning.

Well, I finished the roll a few days later. And had quite forgotten about my little ‘avoid unloading the film in dark’ experiment … And I was anxious as to how I would be able to rewind it and get it back in the spool. So in my room, sans any lights at 2 AM, I opened the Rollie hatch… and hey! What do I see (or rather, don’t see because of the darkness…) the roll completely inside the old spool! My experiment worked… And then… time for a reality check… I furnish the photo studio, my film, unexposed, in the half open spare spool… wondering what they might say to that spectacle called a film roll… They did fuss… acting smart… that over smart female said: ‘there’ll be nothing appearing on it anyway, but if madam wants, we’ll do it’ … Time to swallow some pride. ‘Ok… I said… just develop it for me'

So they did... and i got some pics... and the results... well... not exactly great... but hey! experiment worked technically... so I'm pretty pleased!!

night mara hai!

I've been freelancing for the last one year, and took up a full time job just recently. Its a small office, and that means a lot of work, for the scale of projects we handle!
The last time, I worked all night was for my thesis a year back, and then yesterday... I was thrilled!
I was used to working at night during my architecture course, and this was more like it! it feels like work at last!!
I'm not a workaholic, but sometimes, do get carried away by work. Like this time at night yesterday, when my boss called me to discuss something, and I didn't realise, i had my headphones around my neck. And post discussion, when I started work again, i forgot my mp3 walkman, and the songs playing in the headphone around my neck.
I was feeling a little sleepy and washed my face, and went out at the steps for a while. everything was quiet, and I wasn't thinking at all... when all of a sudden, a little 'twiiiiing' of Clapton's guitar from headphones snapped me up, and I realised that I had been working for 10 straight songs forgetting the headphones around my neck, songs playing all the while, without me listening to a single one!
Normally, I can't do without my music... and so, was surprised at all of this..
One of those days I guess... but in the future I'll make sure that working hard doesn't become a habit with me! :)

Meghana!

I’ll do pretty well as a character from Asterix. If you notice the names of Gaulish ladies, they all end with an ‘a’ – Impedimenta, Bacteria… etc… now, they should have a character called Meghana.

She would be smart and also, the village wise woman! Full of life, enthusiasm, good humour, and sharp - with an eye for details. Now… wouldn’t that be super!

She would be Obelix’s cousin twice removed who has studied in Rome - the arts, architecture and modern roman construction, and she’s thinking about redesigning the village settlement in a contemporary ancient way! That seems to be the thing now a day in the whole of the ancient world!

Meghana’s self designed house (incidentally, the only design of hers ever built) is a mess always, with a lot of papyrus and stone tablets with drawings of modern dwellings and complex buildings, that the ancient world knows no use of, most of which never come into existence, and remain carved on stone. Little does she know that two millennia later those would be copied by ‘great’ architects of the future…

She would be short, stout and fairly dark, with a jolly face, good looks and high spirits. Looking smart with Bravura’s oriental Djeans too! A woman of many talents, Meghana would even be capable of giving Cacofonix a run for his money… (ahem.. ) She would accompany Asterix, Obelix and Dogmatix on adventures at home and abroad as long as there’s a good fight and plenty of wild bore! … She will not be any old bore for sure!

Appointed by chief Vitalstatistx (actually the woman behind his success - Impedimenta dear…) as a vital advisor in village matters, she is also the Getafix’s assistant, and for the first time ever, a Gaulish druid is considering handing down his knowledge and more importantly, the secret recipe of the magic potion to a woman! …

Nobody would read Asterix comics ever again… but wouldn’t I be pleased!

decay of the urban type

Originally uploaded by DraconianRain

We build dreams in houses we know

With the light coming through

The small shaded window



With duo toned, textured walls that radiate liaisons

Of those who have been there

For countless generations



The damp that creeps in through the old moss covered ceiling

Ladens the air heavy

With a moist dull feeling



The old gate with a creaking, faulty, oil painted hinge

Is wilting on its own

with a soft rusty brown tinge



The paint that chips off flaky and dry

Exposes the bare bricks

Makes my heart cry



The old cracked and crooked pipes plead

As they are let open into the hollow paving

Let out to bleed



The drama of the urban decay within me

Unfolds and divulges the vile side

But I let it be



But you, my friend, should find the sky so vast

That sights itself through the little window

And get away from the ominous past…


unlike those, who build houses in dreams they know....