Recurring dreams

Our subconscious is such a wonder. It conveys through dreams feelings, thoughts and problems through highly cryptic messages. Sometimes one off and sometimes recurring. I've had a few recurring themes in my dreams.

The first prominent one I remember was from when I was four years old. About a strange man dressed like a joker and an evil peacock trying who weren't directly after me, but I sensed an undercurrent of fear of them taking me away from my mother. 

A few times I dreamt about not being able to run at all in a race. My legs just felt heavy. 

Now a days, I am able to run. I still can't overtake everyone, but am at par with most. 

As I grew older in my late teens, I had recurring dreams about dinosaurs. They were always after me with glowing red eyes and sometimes they would breathe fire too. I always managed to have close encounters with them but always got away.

While I was studying architecture in college, my dreams were mostly about the current design I was working on. mostly about drafting and finishing my work. In real life, I've always had a problem with finishing a project on time. 

The most disturbing recurring theme in my dreams till date has been about air crafts crashing as soon as they take off. It was prevalent during my mid 20s. I was always an onlooker, and never one on board. Initially, they always crashed behind a hill or beyond buildings, so I would never get to see the actual crash. Once even managed to go close to the aircraft after I saw it crashed. Then one day, I saw the aircraft take off while I was at the air traffic control room and subsequently crash and stop just meters away from me. But I was rooted to the spot. Never moved. I've not had any such dreams since then. 

Since my father passed away, I've dreamt of him a few times still alive, but unwell. I love the fact that he's still with me, but hate the fact that he's not how he used to be. I'd lost a young cousin many years ago and she's there as well, but frail and without her innocence, beauty and spirit.

A few times, I was naked in my dreams. Vulnerable - for the world to see. I saw myself that way again in my dream yesterday. I felt totally exposed and helpless. Yet didn't break down. 

I cannot express myself in words or actions in life so many times. I want to but never can Something stops me. Last night as well - I wanted to, but couldn't. And today morning, my subconscious let me know that I need to.