The best is yet to come.

I have a shirt I sleep in that says so.

Yes, the dreams I dream about often outdo my previous ones, but I’m not too worried about the best when I’m asleep. I’m worried about the best when I’m awake. Every time I make something interesting which according to me is fairly well executed in its intended medium, I have very worrisome thoughts: 

What if this is the last best idea I’ll ever have? 

What if I’ve exhausted my brain capacity (ha!) and my creativity? 

What if from this day onwards, I have nothing but a string of terrible, unoriginal ideas till I die? 

What if my best came and went many years ago, and I’m living in an illusion created by my mind? 

I struggle with this quite often but I also know that our brains don’t work that way. Yet I can’t help thinking that there is a limit of creative thought per person and maybe  I’ve already crossed it. The only way I deal with this is by pushing myself harder every time. It gets overly exhausting quite often and doesn’t work sometimes, but at least it assures me that I still have some ideas left in there and it helps me sleep better.

Ps: is it just me or does everyone’s mind play that background old black and white movie ending trumpet music when they write the last word of a blog post?

FOMO Friendship

I've managed to overcome FOMO significantly since 2014. My mind has learned to give up and accept that there are some things I cannot/should not give my time and effort to.

But for the first time in my life I'm feel FOMO towards a person. It's not the best way to express it, I understand. But I desperately want to know this person and be friends with them before it's too late. It's confusing to say the least because before now there've been times when I've wanted to know people but not let them know me. Most of my friendships and interactions begin organically otherwise. This time it's almost like I want us to be friends or such before something/someone else occupies their life to be able to give me time. And it's almost feels like if I let a chance for this interaction go now, I will be missing out on something major in my life which I just cannot know at this time.

How bizarre is this?

Spent brain

Unlike last year's inktober, this time I was hoping to draw some high brow ideas with more colours and styles. But I haven't been able to because of two reasons: 

1. Let's be honest, I'm not a high brow person. At all. But I wanted to think a bit differently that I usually do. 

2. I've been doing too many things at once (All this after deciding to prioritise and having to give up certain activities for some peace of mind.) 

Following inktober prompts and coming up with some different sketches requires a bit of thought but I've been spreading my brain thin and scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas (although one might argue that the brain is a bottomless pit of ideas where most of them eventually go to die.) I constantly try to make my brain work more but alas, I have finally accepted that mine has it's limits. But I'm hoping i can manage to find more time to at least think of better things to draw the rest of this #inktober.